To Where You Are
by Silverwind24
Summary: They started out as simple apprentices at the Harper Hall, caring for nothing beyond music, teaching, and each other. But the dragons of Fort Weyr had a different life in mind for Callihara, leaving her desperately and impossibly torn between two worlds.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Hey readers this is my first attempt at a Pern-based fanfic. I've written several chapters already but I'm editing them again pretty intensely to hopefully eliminate any traces of Mary-Sueness because that would traumatize me beyond belief. Please read and review!

**Disclaimer: **Pern and all of its concepts belongs to the brilliant and widely talented Anne Mccaffrey. All of the characters and Durnam Hold are mine, please don't use them without permission (would anyone want to? haha)

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_**To Where You Are**_

_Chapter 1_

_Durnam Hold_

_After Sunset_

Her fingers poised delicately over the strings of the gitar, Callihara kept her eyes on the raised arms of her instructor. The moment his wrists flicked her foot started to tap and her fingers gently and tenderly began to pluck out an arpeggio. Seated on the stool next to her, her friend Saneria joined in with her flute, a high, resonating melody. Right on beat, Bernan's soft drum joined the trio. Closing her eyes, concentrating on the music, with her mind wandering at the same time, Callihara took a measured breath, and began to sing.

It wasn't the largest Gather Calli had ever seen, but it wasn't small either. Somehow, it was the perfect place for Nordam's little trio to debut. The hold was a small subsidiary of Fort, one of the hundreds that seemed to fade in the shadow of Fort's brilliance. Hold Durnam, Calli thought it was called. Nevertheless, the folk were merry, and the pies and other treats were abundantly and outlandishly displayed throughout the Gather. She supposed that the half-pint of fine wine that rolled around in her belly as she sang kept her from being nervous, although she thought that public performance had become almost second nature.

The chatter and bustle of the Gather main floor died down as people stopped to listen to the almost soulful harmonies of the trio of apprentices from Harper hall. There was something about the way the flutist tilted her head as she played, or how the drummer closed his eyes as if he were in a trance, and in the mesmerizing, hauntingly melodic singing of the girl with the gitar. The people watched, somehow sensing the passion that the three apprentices poured into the simple song.

Over the past several turns, Harper Hall had begun to fill up with young, beautiful, and talented sopranos, and there weren't enough arias in all the records in the hall to keep them occupied. Auditions for the annual performance of Moreta's Ride had every soprano in the Hall worked into a frenzy, and there were so many talented singers that the Masterharper had considered skipping that piece for the first time in fifty Turns. So when the quiet, gitar-bearing alto from Ista arrived, no one gave her a second thought.

The bridge of the piece approached and the rhythm stopped with a halt. The audience seemed almost at the edges of their seats, as Bernan struck the drum and then paused, counting his rests with barely twitching lips. Saneria's flute held out a quiet low note, and the gitar's strings continued to sing the last chord Calli had plucked. She continued to sing, quietly, and then building as Bernan's gentle baritone joined her in a harmony. As quickly as it started, the little interlude ended, and the chorus resumed, this time with the baritone part continuing and growing in strength. The power that came from the simple tune was amazing for the journeyman instructor to observe, and he was thankful for Master Menolly and all her catchy tunes. The light little song ended, and the audience breathed in appreciation of the unexpected talent demonstrated by the small trio. Perhaps it was the fine food and wine, or the happy feeling in the air, Calli thought, but she had never expected the audiences to be so appreciative or energetic.

The three apprentices couldn't believe how much the holders were enjoying their music, and Nordam excitedly urged them to continue playing. The trio performed every song in their repertoire, and ended up resorting to some of the more popular Ballads. The crowd was delighted at hearing music they were familiar with, and they encouraged the apprentices to continue with raucous shouts and clapping.

"Cal," Saneria whispered. "I don't think I can play much longer." The flutist looked pale and dizzy. Calli realized that they'd been playing for nearly two hours without a break.

"Let's close with the 'Firelizard Queen,'" Bernan mouthed, and the girls nodded. He started the song with a light drumbeat, and then Saneria's flute played one of the song's recurring motifs. A chord from the gitar, a beat of rest, and Callihara started to sing. As she sang she caught Nordam's eye, and he winked at her, but she could read in his expression that he knew they were all becoming tired and strained. She nodded at him, signaling that this was their final piece. She was disappointed that she was unable to hit and sustain the last C in her chest voice, but the dramatic silencing of the instruments made the gentle ending note seem planned. The trio stood and bowed, and the audience members leapt to their feet. The apprentices wanted to laugh as they knew that musically they were not anything special, and the Harper Hall was full of so much talent and technique that they were unable to see the connection between them that made their music so powerful.

The apprentices were immediately provided with food and drink as the holders passed them, smiling, touching the musicians' arms and pausing to spare a kind word. Saneria ate the richly prepared meat gingerly, cutting small morsels with her utensils. The pretty blond smiled as the rest of the gatherers passed her, but her heart was empty and searching. Her sadness wasn't apparent to everyone, but it lingered in the corners of her mouth, holding back her smile.

Callihara frowned when she saw the restrained, pained look on her friend's face. Her thoughts were diverted from Saneria as she looked up and grinned in spite of herself when Bernan sat down beside her, having returned with a full cask of wine. Without asking, he filled her glass to the brim. Calli couldn't help but laugh.

"Bernan! Are you attempting to intoxicate me?" she asked with mock seriousness. A brief look of guilt flashed across his face before he returned her smile.

"Why Cal, why would I do a thing like that?" He ran his hand coolly through his somewhat shaggy hair. "Hey San, you want some more?"

"Thanks but no thanks, Bernan," she replied, with that faraway look still in her eye. He frowned and shrugged, promptly consuming the rest of the wine.

Journeyman Nordam, the trio's instructor, sat down next to Saneria, just in time to clear his throat in a weak protest against Bernan's almost irreverent consumption of the white Bendan wine. The boy smiled, and turned to speak with Callihara, who was feeling remarkably happier and more flirtatious after several glasses of wine.

"You played fantastically, Saneria," Nordam said, gently touching her wrist.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, as if she hadn't noticed his presence. "Thank you. We all did rather well, I think." She tried to smile, but it was painfully obvious to the Journeyman that something was amiss.

"What's wrong, San? I can't handle not knowing," he said, startling her. He saw her eyes water, and her lip tremble, and he gently took hold of her arm and led her away, talking to her softly.

Bernan nudged Callihara. "Looks like old Nordam's making a move on Sannie."

"Nordam isn't more than twenty! Give the man a break! And he'd better take it easy; Saneria's hurting from something…. I'm not sure what."

"Maybe it's something with that holder lad she was seeing? They're never all she thinks them to be, Sannie's men. She falls too hard for their pretty faces and fancy words. Harpers should stay with Harpers!

"It's more than that, Bern! You boys know nothing of the affairs of the heart," she told him sharply.

"I can learn!" he quipped cheekily. Callihara forgave him, and smiled, taking another quick sip of her drink, savoring the crisp and clean taste of the wine. Bernan put his arm around her shoulder, and she could tell from the purely lucid look in his eye that he was not as drunk as he was pretending to be, and it almost scared her, to think that there was something there that hadn't been there before.

"Stop the act, I know you're not drunk," she whispered, trying unsuccessfully not to smile. He smiled back at her, moving closer. "Now's not the time, or the place for this; we're on a job, by the egg of Faranth!"

He could tell by her weak protests that she didn't want him to stop wooing her, which was exactly and consciously what he was doing. "We're not working any longer, Callihara. Why don't we go elsewhere?" She looked down at her tightly clasped hands, frowning slightly, and then twisted a tight curl around her finger. She nodded, and allowed him to escort her out of the hall and into the starry night.

* * *

From the first touch of Nordam's hand on her shoulder, Saneria had started weeping, quietly, almost unnoticeably. He was startled by it, and he led her to the nearest place he could find where she could cry unobserved. Leaning against the wall in the garden, almost hidden from view, she cried against him, her tears falling onto his shoulder. He murmured nothing and everything softly to her, tentatively smoothing her hair with his fingers. 

"Stop, stop it, you don't know what you're doing to me," she whispered hoarsely, weakly protesting, begging him to stop with her voice, but clinging to him more desperately.

"No, I don't, San, I don't know what is wrong," he told her, asking her to tell him, letting her know how much it was hurting him to see her like this.

Suddenly, she was no longer the weeping child crying to anyone who would listen, she was sharp and caustic, aware of what he was saying to her. "What the hell are you doing, Nordam? What are you trying to do?" She stopped crying abruptly, disentangling herself from him, her face still only inches away from his.

He shook his head, seeming as if he truly didn't know what he was doing. "I'm sorry, I should have never-, its not my place to- I- I," he muttered, afraid to look at her. When he finally did meet her eyes, he saw that the glare had softened, and her shaky smile had a little of her usual playful edge to it.

"It's all right. I'm sorry I spoke sharply to you, that wasn't my place either," she said, wanting to apologize after she saw him turn pale suddenly.

"No, you were not the one at fault. I beg your pardon," he said, turning and leaving, his hand lingering for just a moment on her shoulder. Watching him walk away, Saneria cursed herself for pushing him away, not understanding why she had done it herself. Slowly, she slid to the ground and began to cry again, resting her tear-streaked face against her knees.

* * *

Callihara allowed Bernan to hold her hand and talk to her, but she wasn't listening very attentively to what he was saying. In fact, he wasn't even listening closely to himself, and she felt his palm began to sweat against of hers, and his fingers twitched almost convulsively. Stopping his speech with a wave of her hand, she turned and looked at him. Smiling coyly, she asked, "Lost your confidence, have you? We didn't come up here to talk about breeds of runner beasts." 

He blushed, running his hand unconsciously through his sandy hair. "No, we didn't." They'd almost thoughtlessly climbed up to the heights where the messaging drums were located, and Calli sat on the window ledge of the highest point, her back resting against the frame, one leg flung carelessly over the side, oblivious of the two hundred foot drop below. "Just look at me for a moment, Cal." She turned and smiled sweetly at him, unaware of how in that moment, he was dying inside. He knew that whatever she thought that he felt for her, it was so much stronger and enduring than the crush she imagined that he had on her. He, in his young heart, was totally and completely in awe of her, and he desperately wanted her to know how he felt. The wine that had emboldened him and calmed his nerves before had disappeared, and he was left with nothing but his own courage to aid him. Everything about her, from her warm gray eyes to her pearly white skin, her wry smile and her infectious laughter, the way she danced, sang, breathed, even. He was in love with her, the most love his inexperienced heart had ever felt, and he could not go on living without her knowing.

Callihara watched him look at her, and saw the slight quickening in his breathing in the rapid rise and fall of his chest. She thought that it was so sweet, and she liked him, hoping that he would kiss her, but unaware that he felt so much more than a passing affection, which she didn't doubt could grow into something more. "Could I fall in love with Bernan?" Callihara asked herself as she looked at him. "I daresay that I could."

"Callihara, it's just that-, everything about you is-, I mean that when we're together-, what I want to say is that, Cal, I think I'm in… whoa!" Bernan's last exclamation was torn from his stuttering mouth as the tower suddenly shook violently, stealing away the important words and romantic moment from the boy.

Calli screamed as she slipped off the ledge with the force of the tremor and fell over the side of the wall, one arm flailing behind her, but touching only thin air, her legs scraping painfully against the rock of the wall. Instinctively, Bernan tightened his hold on her hand and caught her, breathing heavily as he slipped over the edge himself, his feet coming up off the ground as he reached for her other hand. Callihara made the mistake of glancing over her shoulder to the ground below, and she almost screamed again as she became suddenly aware of her own mortality and how near she was to falling. Instead of crying out like every inch of her wanted to, Calli tightened her resolve and her grip on Bernan's hand.

"I've got you, Calli," he shouted, over the screams of the Gatherers below as they looked up to see the girl dangling precariously from the tower, although it was obvious to Calli and to the Gatherers that he was losing his grip on her hand. She met his eyes, wanting to trust him, but she saw so clearly that another tremor like the one that had sent her tumbling over the wall would knock Bernan over as well. She bit her lip, sticking her toe into the side of the wall for leverage, and tried to help him pull her up. She strained, pushing as hard as she could with her legs, her thighs burning with exertion but she slipped again and again, unable to find a foothold, and the sweat on both their hands making it hard to hold on. The shaking of the tower had increased to an almost constant shudder, which was growing gradually in strength, making it impossible for Bernan to anchor himself and pull her up.

"Bern," Calli began, biting her lip against the pain in her arm, "Maybe you'd best let go. We're going to both be pulled over if you don't."

"Are you crazy? I'd rather die!" he exclaimed, holding on to her tighter. He heard someone scream hysterically from the ground.

"Those are my friends! Someone do something!" It was Saneria, screeching with all her might, almost making him smile.

They clung to each other still, Calli's legs scraping ineffectively against the wall and Bernan trying to pull her up unsuccessfully, gaining an inch, and then slipping down more as the tower shuddered. Then it shuddered again, not stopping after several seconds, but growing in strength.

"Hey Bern?"

"Yeah, Cal?"

"I think this is it."

"Don't say that."

"Tell San goodbye for me, ok?"

"What are you saying?" he asked frantically, reaching for her with renewed fervor.

She smiled sadly, tears in her eyes, and then tore his fingers out from around her wrist violently with her free hand, sending herself into a sickening fall towards the ground below, her skirts bellowing out behind her.

"Callihara, NO!" he screamed in absolute horror, still reaching uselessly after her, until he was thrown against the side of the wall as the worst tremor of the earthquake shook the tower. "Why did you let go?"

Calli fell for what seemed like an eternity, listening to Bern's scream fading away, and then felt herself slamming into warm but rough arms before she slipped into blackness.

* * *

The dragon and rider burst out of between and flew under the tower, and the rider caught the falling girl instinctively in his arms and held her tightly to his chest. _Careful, Perlath. Watch out for the tower, dearest._

_I have it quite under control_, the dragon snorted in his mind-voice. Oryoth was right to call us. The girl would have died.

_I know. No one could have survived that drop. _

_There is a boy on top of the tower, J'ren. _

_Tell one of the others to fetch him before it collapses. We should be able to keep it from collapsing_, the rider said hopefully, as the bronze dragon told one of the dragons from his wing to rescue the boy.

_The girl wakes_, Perlath remarked, as he circled, unable to find a place to set down among the panicking crowds.

She stirred in J'ren's arms, moaning quietly. "Bernan…" she whispered, half-awake and seemingly in shock. She shook her head sharply, and tried to sit up, gasping as she opened her eyes and found herself flying in the air. She looked at J'ren and sighed in relief. "For a moment I thought that I had died!"

"Are you all right?" He asked her, amazed at the interest in her eyes as she peered over his shoulder and to the ground below.

"Yes, thank you for saving me," she said, shaking a little bit, despite herself, and the calmness in her voice. "My name is Callihara. My friend is still on top of the tower," she said, pointing out to where Bernan had been.

"He's been attended to," the rider told her. "Are you sure that you are quite all right?"

"Yes, sir. I was prepared to die, though." He looked at her questioningly. "Bern will be so angry with me." She shook her head and told the rider what had happened. "He was trying to pull me back up, but I knew that if another tremor like the first occurred we would both die. So I made him let go when I saw that there was no other choice," she said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. J'ren looked stunned, and she frowned, realizing a faux pas. "I'm sorry, I don't believe I've asked you your name, or your dragon's."

It was his turn to shake his head at the shuddering but still collected girl that he held in his arms. Then he grinned. "I'm J'ren of Fort Weyr. My dragon's name is Perlath." He smiled again. "Have you ever been on a dragon before?"

"No, sir. And I didn't think that it would happen like this!" she exclaimed.

"You've been very brave, Miss Callihara," J'ren told her, still shocked that she was so matter-of-fact about sacrificing herself to save her friend.

_There's something about this girl, J'ren_, Perlath told him. _She's very strong, and brave. She'd make a good rider. _

_Truly? I was beginning to think that myself._

_Only a dragon can tell who a good rider will be, J'ren. _He paused, as if pondering something. _And you are clearly not a dragon._

J'ren laughed aloud. _Clearly!_ He realized that the girl was looking at him quizzically, and he quickly explained that his dragon had been speaking to him telepathically.

"I know that. We've some fire lizards at the Harper Hall, and they're like dragons, in a way, although they are certainly not as intelligent as Perlath."

"Excuse me for asking, but how do you know how intelligent Perlath is?" he asked her, his voice rising in question.

"Because of how he speaks, of course," she replied becoming shy and less sure of herself, her exhaustion apparent on her pale face.

_You didn't tell me you were speaking to her!_

_Why shouldn't I speak to her? She is afraid, and she listens to me!_

"I'm sorry, Callihara, I didn't know that he was speaking to you. Sometimes dragons talk to other folk, but not all the time," he said, not wanting her to know how rare an occasion like that was. "I think we can land now, and you can go see your friend." At his command, Perlath spread his wings and landed gracefully in the middle of the courtyard, which was possibly too small of an area for a bronze of his size.

"Thank you again, J'ren," Calli said, calling him by his name, and gripping his hand as he helped her down.

"It was my pleasure, Callihara," he said and winked before leaping back onto his dragon.

"Calli!" She turned, and saw Bernan limping towards her, shallow cuts sprinkled over his skin, and tears streaming down his face.

"Bernan!" Calli ran towards him, and he caught her up in his arms, and cried into her hair, until she started to cry too.

"Scorch it, Calli! I thought you were…" he sobbed, pulling away to look at her.

"I'm sorry, Bern, I didn't want you to fall too!"

"I would have died even if I hadn't fallen. I couldn't have lived if you didn't." He looked into her eyes with such intensity that Callihara suddenly realized what had almost occurred and what she could have lost. Bernan put his hand on her neck, and then raised it to her cheek, stroking the soft skin with his thumb as she gazed back at him. Then he took a breath and kissed her deeply but gently, his fear, concern, and affection for her pouring out into the kiss, which she returned with passion. In the heat of the moment, their emotions ran high, and Callihara felt like she would love him forever. "I love you, Cal."

She couldn't reply, tears coming again to her eyes and a sob rising in her throat, and she cried into his shoulder, her hands at the back of his neck, touching his tousled hair. Holding her to him tightly, he kissed her forehead, her neck, her hair, making sure that she was still there, that she was real, and that she knew what her death would have done to him.

"Callihara, Bernan!" They looked up from one another and saw Saneria running towards them, the Journeyman close behind. The four hugged each other and cried, and as J'ren and Perlath went _between_, his last thought was regret that he would never see her again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I appreciate constructive criticism and anything else that you have to say because I absolutely want to make this story better and more realistic if that is at all possible. Reviews really inspire me to write and update more quickly so if you have any thoughts, suggestions, questions, or comments, leave me a review and I'll do what I can!**

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_Chapter 2_

_Harper Hall_

In the months since the accident, Callihara was no longer the quiet alto from Ista. She was the girl who allowed herself to fall to certain death to save her friend, who flew on the back of a dragon, and still managed to wander around the Hall as if it had never happened. Even so, something had changed that day, certainly her relationship with Bernan, but also some other deep longing in her heart that she could neither identify or understand. She wanted to know what it was, and her natural curiosity prodded her to do so, but there was something holding her back.

Calli couldn't explain it to Bernan, he who had become her shadow, her second self. She could never have imagined the fire that ignited between the two of them. She loved him as she had never loved anyone else, and she knew that he loved her. He was endlessly devoted to her, but knew instinctively when to give her space, and when she wanted to be alone. He could tell what she was truly feeling by some sixth sense that enabled him to interpret the real meaning behind rash words, or the actual implications of vague responses. There was no one like him, and sometimes Callihara felt like she didn't deserve him.

"Calli! Wait up!" She turned, and saw some of the younger apprentices running up behind her, out of breath, their eyes wide with admiration.

"Hello, boys," she smiled, tousling the nearest lad's hair. "What sort of trouble are you into today?"

"Trouble? Us?" The oldest boy, Tilmar, shook his head, grinning. "Master Siland wants us to write an epic ballad for an assignment."

"That sounds like quite a trial!" Siland was always interested to see what the youngest apprentices considered 'epic,' and no doubt the finished ballads would be humorous for him to review. "What are you going to pick? Weyrwoman Lessa's trip back in time? F'nor's flight to the Red Star?" She looked surprised when the shook their heads. "What, then?"

"Isn't it obvious? Your dramatic plunge to certain death from Durnam tower, only to be swept up in the arms of a handsome dragonrider a top a bronze dragon, then passionately kissing your lover as the astonished crowds looked on, tears of shock streaming down your pale cheeks, your hair flying in the wind-"

"Tilmar!" Calli cut him off, putting her hand over his mouth in mock admonition. "That is the best epic event in Pernese history that you can think of?"

The boys giggled. "Well, we thought you could help us a little bit." He looked up at her hopefully.

"Oh all right. I'll come by after supper. Run along now, I'm sure you've somewhere to be." Whooping happily, the boys did run off, leaving Callihara alone, shaking her head.

Almost as soon as the young boys had left, Bernan came up behind her, grabbing her shoulders and kissing her neck from behind. She laughed, and turned her head to be kissed. "What was that about? Another flock of adoring young men flirting with my Callihara?"

"Bern! The eldest of those lads is no older than twelve turns!" She laughed, turning and hugging him. "Anyway, they wanted to write a ballad about me." She smiled at him. "I'm sure I can convince them to squeeze in a couple of lines about you."

Instead of laughing, he looked stricken, as he always did when someone brought up the fall, even indirectly. She caressed his cheek, seeing the look on his face. She started to speak, but he silenced her. "It's not funny, Callihara. I hate to take it lightly. When I think about losing you, it kills me all over again."

"I know, Bernan, I know. I'm sorry. But wasn't it horribly romantic?" she asked, trying to make him smile as she leaned closer to him.

"I suppose," he finally gave in, kissing her again.

"Then let's go. We are going to be late," she chided, grabbing his hand, and beginning to run towards the main eating hall, dragging him behind her.

* * *

In his quarters, the journeyman worked on a new piece for his trio, not a ballad of Callihara's fall and Bernan's undying love for her, like every other harper in the Hall, but a song about a quiet desire, a whisper in the heart, an inexplicable sadness, and a question, humming like a tune in the mind. Nordam did not write the piece for Callihara's rich alto, but for a light baritone, not quite as trained, but beautiful in its natural grace. He wrote the piece as a duet between Bernan and Saneria, her flute echoing his voice, the intricacy of the gitar part making up for the lack of Calli's voice, rendering it almost impossible for her to sing and play at the same time. It was a piece unlike anything the trio had played before and quite unlike the other songs that currently circulated the Hall.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" The soft voice at the door made Nordam look up, and he saw Saneria standing there, her flute clutched between her hands, and she reminded him of a flower, beautiful and fragrant, but so fragile and about to wilt and fold up into itself out of sorrow.

"Yes, please, Saneria. I'm working on a new song, and I'm anxious to try it with the flute part."

She came into the light, and he saw how pale she was. It looked as if she had been crying again, and it killed him to see her like that. Still, she flipped her hair over her shoulder as she bent over to open the case for her flute, and smiled at him as if nothing was amiss.

"So tell me about this new song," she asked as she adjusted her music stand, and played a few notes on the flute.

"It's different than what we've done before. It's a duet, and I actually wrote the lyrics before the melody, which of course I never usually do."

"Another Bernan-Callihara love song?" she asked lightly, but he could still hear the barely perceptible sarcasm in her voice.

"No!" he exclaimed, with such force that she was surprised. "I mean, how would that be different? There are hundreds of those floating around Pern." He smiled, trying to soften his words.

"All right then. Tell me." She raised her eyebrow in question.

"A duet with flute and voice, you and Bernan. The lyrics are less sure, more questioning, hoping, longing. It's as if the voice is searching and asking, and the flute responds with music, the only way it can, but he, the singer, doesn't know how to interpret what she tells him." As he spoke, he looked at her briefly, and then looked away.

"That should be interesting," she replied softly, faintly, suddenly paling again. "I'm sorry, Nordam- I...I have to…go…sorry," she nodded her head, picked up the flute, and ran out.

Nordam sat there, watching her go, his heart constricting painfully, his mouth half-open in a silenced protest. "Saneria…" he whispered, his hand reaching weakly after her. Then he slammed his clenched fist down on the table. After a few moments spent in tortured silence, he sat up and stared at the lyrics and music that sat in front of him. Tapping his finger against his desk, he began to sing, his voice low and full of vibrato, the voice that would have made him a great singer, had he not chosen another path.

_A gentle wind blows through the trees,_

_A silent stirring in my heart,_

_A sudden feeling in my sleep_

_Something unknown tears me apart._

_Escaping what I thought I knew,_

_Reaching blindly through the darkness,_

_Not knowing what I feel for you,_

_Just escaping my own blindness._

_Unlike what I felt in the past,_

_More than just a casual thought._

_My heart quickens, beating so fast,_

_Wondering what this feeling's wrought._

_The words I speak do not seem real, _

_Cannot explain my soaring mind._

_How can I tell you how I feel?_

_Dreams of this love that we might find._

_A time uncertain, words untrue_

_Pain lies beneath a mask of light._

_I want to bare my soul to you,_

_But will it break upon your sight?_

_I'll never tell you how I feel,_

_I'll never know your gentle touch._

_I'll never know if this is real,_

_Something so small matters so much._

_As seconds pass I breathe again_

_Suns rise and set, bringing me peace._

_Thoughts flow as clearly as they can,_

_Tears only shadows of my grief._

Singing the last stanza, he stopped, unable to continue. Overcome with a sudden and inexplicable weariness, he put his head against his desk and slipped into a troubled sleep.

* * *

"San's not feeling well again? I guess we can do it without her, but, gee, I always like having the flute there, you know?" Bernan voiced his quiet complaint to Calli as they walked across the Hall towards the nursery.

"I feel the same way, but, really, we could sing the Teaching Ballads in our sleep. These kids have been hearing them since conception, anyway," she replied as she walked beside him, her gitar slung comfortably over her shoulder.

"Cal, do you suppose we'll be doing this for the rest of our lives?"

"Doing what?"

"Teaching children from holds, singing the same songs over and over again, trying to make something beautiful out of nothing, and writing songs that no one will ever hear?"

"Bernan!" she said, almost sharply. "You make the work of a harper seem so trivial! Where would Pern be without the Ballads? How would the children learn their letters? They would never know the magnificent history that Pern has, and they could never play an instrument. Imagine if we had never been found, and you had lived out your days working in the mines, and I had grown up to be the wife of some woodcutter, doing nothing but bearing children and keeping house. If we'd never come here, everything would be different!" Callihara was breathless upon finishing, and she'd stopped walking to turn and look him in the eye, her hand on his arm.

"You do make it sound beautiful, Calli," he admitted, looking slightly ashamed.

"It is beautiful, Bernan! I want nothing more than to help them, those who aren't so lucky as to live close to a major Hold or Weyr. I want them to know that there's more to Pern than just surviving day-to-day life. Don't you want that too?"

"I don't know what I want anymore." He looked sad for a moment. "I just want to be with you, always, Callihara."

She grinned. "Then you're going to have to get used to having a lot of children around!" She laughed and started to run, and he chased her, easily meeting her stride and pulling her into his arms.

"We're not even journeymen yet, Calli. We've still got a ways to go, right?"

"Things will change sooner than you think," she said, looking solemn. A ringing bell interrupted their conversation. "Oh, we are going to be late!" They ran together, only slowing down when they could hear the children crying out their names.

"Miss Callihara!" a small girl cried, reaching out to her. Calli bent down to hug her, and the girl threw her small arms around her neck.

"Really, Lia. I just saw you yesterday!" she said, laughing, and kissing one of her round cheeks.

"But I have a new song!" Lia was no older than four turns old, Calli knew, but every time she saw her, the sweet little thing had written a catchy new melody. Her heart swelled thinking of Lia, who had been brought to the Hall as barely a toddler, orphaned after her family died in a flood. Dragonriders had found her alive by the sound of her singing to herself and brought her to the Hall.

Calli looked up, and saw that Bernan was allowing some of the boys to ride about on his back, and she grinned and winked at him. His smile was slightly strained, but she was glad to see that he was loosening up with the children.

After listening to little Lia's tune, Calli and Bernan tried their best to get the children to settle down in a semicircle around them. They ran through the usual Ballads of letters, numbers, and Pernese history, before they entertained them with energetic melodies and song-games. To finish up, they played a love ballad they had written, making the small girls love Bernan more, and the boys think that Callihara was the epitome of female beauty, a thought that would have brought the girl to hysterical laughter.

Calli turned to look at Bernan, and saw that he was smiling and laughing, genuinely enjoying the children. He met her eyes, and the look that he gave her was enough to melt her heart, and make her blush slightly. She was so happy for an instant, and then she was overcome with worry for Saneria, her dearest friend, who had faded to the background of the drama. But there was something else that caused the sadness in her eyes, Calli knew, and her almost perfect happiness was marred with a sense of foreboding and concern for Saneria, who was like her sister. Whatever it was, it had put out the light in Saneria's beautiful heart, and stolen the smile from her face, and before anything could be right again, Callihara had to know what was troubling her friend. Shaking her head to clear her vision, she saw the children sitting before her and made herself smile and carry on.

* * *

Saneria wept. She wept until her eyes were swollen and the color of blood, until the tears would no longer flow. She sobbed, each sob catching in her throat, the small, pathetic hiccups forming a melody of her sorrow. She wept because she loved him, this man who was so gentle and kind, who desperately wanted to comfort her simply because he cared. He pleaded with her to open her heart to him, and let him see the source of her inexplicable sadness, but she knew that he could not see what she had done, what she had allowed to happen to herself. He would see her for what she was, and he would not love her. She had been so foolish, so stupid, ignorant, naïve, and now she was hopelessly afraid, and so alone. Saneria cried because she feared being rejected by Callihara and Bernan, they who were so chaste and pure in their love for one another. She cried because her family would never understand; they would never forgive her. She cried because she had given herself to a man who did not love her, solely because she thought it would make her complete. Last, she wept for the tiny life in her womb, who was completely innocent, and would have to bear the repercussions of her foolish actions for its entire life. She cried until her eyes were dry, and she was exhausted, her energy spent simply by expressing her grief. She lay on her bed, her hand folded over her barely swollen belly, wishing that she had been smarter, wiser, less naïve, and at the same time longing for the innocence and the childhood that she could never return to. Soon enough they would all know, and there was nothing, nothing that she could do about it. Closing her eyes, Saneria slipped into the blissful nonexistence of sleep, and her body finally relaxed, and her strained features softened, just for a moment.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for all of the reviews! I'm really trying hard on this story and I'm SO glad that so many of you like it! Please, please, please, please review, because I have to write quicker now to keep up with how quickly I want to update and reviews are what keep me going! Thank you!**

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* * *

_Chapter 3_**

_Fort Weyr_

_The Same Day_

"None of the girls are suitable?" The tone of the Fort Weyrleader's voice clearly revealed his anxiety as he paced up and down the ledge overlooking the Hatching Grounds. Oryoth, the queen dragon who currently had a clutch, curled protectively around her eggs, meeting L'ral's eyes with a defiant stare. The clutch was a respectable size, but not beyond the realm of possibility, excluding the gorgeous golden egg that lay beside Oryoth's snout.

"Don't look at me like that, L'ral," Tiania, Fort's senior Weyrwoman, shot back. "The girls seem perfectly nice to me. They are all young, sweet, pretty little things, but she can't stand them. They haven't even been able to touch the egg." She sighed, shaking her head, yet still turning to smile lovingly at her dragon.

"I've never heard of something like this happening before, not even in any of the ancient records, and, shards, I've been through them enough times to know that. The eggs are hatching in less than a week, and a candidate for the queen has yet to be found," he stated, his generally calm tone replaced by a more agitated one as the discussion grew more heated.

"I don't need to be told that, dear. We're all quite aware," Tiania replied glibly, only slightly disconcerted that the Weyrleader's enduring composure had been shaken.

He shook his head as if to emphasize how deeply he was troubled. "Well, then, who is considered an acceptable match for Oryoth's daughter?"

"There isn't exactly a list of strong young girls to be consulted, you know, L'ral."

"Of course, of course," he said, business-like once more. Then he paused, and cocked his head as he always did when Rolth spoke to him from his weyr.

_Perlath tells me of a girl who would suit the young queen._

_Truly? Rolth, why wasn't this mentioned before?_

Rolth gave the equivalent of a dragon mind-snort. _She is an apprentice at Harper Hall, not one that would usually be Searched. Dragons only talk of something when it is important, not useless prattle like others of your kind, dear L'ral. _

He wanted to laugh at Rolth's completely accurate critique of mankind, but he was too distracted with thoughts of the girl from the Harper Hall that had so touched a member of dragon kind.

"Rolth says there is a girl at the Harper Hall who would make a good rider," he told Tiania, still slightly confused by the completely ambiguous relaying of information.

"Really? When have you and Rolth been down to the Hall enough to get to know one of the girls?" she questioned, slightly skeptical.

"He doesn't know her, J'ren's Perlath does."

"And how did he become acquainted with the girl, if I may ask."

_Perlath says they caught her; she fell from a tower. _

For another moment, L'ral was confused, and then he remembered the earthquake that had shaken all of Fort and its neighboring holds. "That girl!" He exclaimed, remembering the harper girl who had been willing to sacrifice herself to save her lover, as the songs that had already circulated Pern so widely had told. L'ral did not doubt that there had been some extent of embellishment in the passionate ballads, but the hard facts of the girl's bravery were true enough, according to what J'ren had told him.

"Shards, why haven't we thought of this before? The quake at Durnam happened nearly three months ago," L'ral exclaimed, slapping his hand against his weyrhide pants for emphasis.

"Don't ask me, L'ral, we've all had more on our minds than an earthquake at some insignificant hold," Tiania retorted, becoming almost as irritated as her dragon in her emotional exhaustion. "Instead of just standing there, why don't you go ask J'ren the girl's name, and get yourself over to the Hall and get her here. She'll have a lot of preparation to catch up on if she is to be ready for the Impression." She looked up, and saw that L'ral had already left the Bowl, and was nearly sprinting to Rolth's weyr. Tiania shook her head, hoping that L'ral would find the candidate Oryoth was searching for, as inexplicable and unorthodox as it was.

* * *

_The Harper Hall_

Sitting on a bench underneath a tree in the courtyard, Bernan kept the beat with his fingers on the edge of the bench, and tapped his foot to a different rhythm, as Calli played chord progressions on her gitar, which had been slung easily over her shoulder before she and Bernan had been inspired with a stubborn melody that refused to let them go until they had turned it into a song. That's how it was with the two of them, and most young musicians, anywhere the idea struck, and using any available materials, they would compose a tune, which would later become a song. Breaking a string, Calli swore, and then burst out laughing.

"Shells, we were actually getting somewhere with that!" she exclaimed, though lightheartedly.

"I know, but we can pick it up later," Bernan offered.

"Still…" she frowned, and to cheer her up, he leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. Feeling playful and flirtatious, Calli slipped her hands around the back of his neck and kissed him again. Grinning, Bernan took her in his arms, and eventually they were giggling as they traded playful kisses.

The two young apprentices were so involved with one another, that they didn't notice when the large bronze dragon landed gracefully in the courtyard, or when his rider leapt off, took one look at the pair, and recognized them. Almost chuckling, Fort's Weyrleader approached the two, and managed a polite cough.

Suddenly looking away from one another, the two flinched violently, knocking the gitar off the bench, nearly falling off it, and then shaking their heads sheepishly. Recovering, Callihara leapt to her feet.

"Excuse us, dragonrider, sir. Are you looking for the Masterharper? I could fetch him for you, and a cup of k'lah if you'd like…"

"That won't be necessary, though thank you, kindly," he replied. "I believe you are the one I am looking for." He gestured towards her pointedly and she looked confused.

"Me? But I'm only an apprentice?"

"If I am not mistaken, you are Miss Callihara?" She nodded, looking shocked. "Callihara, I am Weyrleader L'ral of Fort Weyr." She immediately curtseyed hurriedly, though still gracefully, bobbing her head several times, almost frenzied, and he waved his hand to stop her.

"Callihara," he began briskly and bluntly, "The dragons have selected you to come on Search for the next Hatching at the Weyr. There is a queen egg on the Grounds, and we believe that you would be an excellent candidate for it."

Calli blinked in disbelief, and then shook her head. "By the Egg of Faranth, what on Pern are you talking about?" He grinned, and she could only open and close her hands helplessly.

"My dear, why don't we sit down for a moment? This is a lot to take in." He gestured at the bench that she had just risen from, and she sank back down upon it. He took a closer look at the boy who had put his arm protectively around her shoulder. She looked bewildered, but who wouldn't be, L'ral thought. Her eyes darted around, first to the massive bronze dragon that was staring at her with such interest, back to the Weyrleader, then to her own shaking hands. She looked helplessly up at the boy who had to be the infamous lover she was willing to die to save.

To break the silence, L'ral spoke. "I don't believe I know your name, young man," he said, offering his hand. The boy stopped staring at Callihara long enough to meet the Weyrleader's eyes and grip his hand firmly.

"My name is Bernan, Weyrleader." He paused, shaking his head. "I don't believe we fully understand what you've come here for," he said, and L'ral was only slightly taken aback with the boy's lack of respect for a dragonrider, although he was not as severe as one of the older riders would have been. In that instant, he realized that Callihara would never leave without Bernan, why hadn't he realized that before? If she had been willing to die to save him, her claim to fame and the reason that he hoped she would Impress, why had he thought that she would drop everything and allow herself to be whisked off to the Weyr?

"Of course, Bernan. Let me make myself clear once more. As both of you may be aware, Oryoth, the senior queen dragon at Fort Weyr, currently has a clutch of dragon eggs, including one queen egg. As has been Weyr custom for hundreds of Turns, we have selected likely candidates for the young dragons to choose riders from. However, although we have several young girls to be presented as candidates for the queen egg, Oryoth absolutely cannot stand them," he grinned a little to lessen the tension of his heavy statements, and continued. "Callihara, the dragon that caught you when you fell from the tower thought that you would be an ideal candidate for the queen egg. We've also decided," he hurried on, though the girl let out a small gasp of air, "That you, Bernan, may also be presented at the Hatching." L'ral flinched almost visibly at the half-lie had constructed, though he could never have imagined at that time what future repercussions it would have.

The two apprentices were speechless, looking at the Weyrleader with wide eyes. By this time, someone had noticed the large bronze dragon that had landed quite conspicuously in the courtyard, and a small crowd had gathered some distance off, watching the scene intently. Masterharper Siland hurried across the stone pavilion, nearly sprinting in a distinctly ungraceful way, stopping abruptly several feet away from the group. Callihara and Bernan stood up instinctively, and L'ral did the same.

"Weyrleader!" Siland said, his face slightly flushed from running. "What brings you to the Hall? My drummers did not report that you were on your way, we would have certainly prepared a more gracious welcome than this." He smiled easily and gestured at the ragtag crowd of observers.

"My apologies for catching you off guard, Masterharper. I should have thought to send word ahead, it was terribly discourteous of me, and no fault of yours," L'ral assured Siland, realizing the error he had made in his haste.

"Think nothing of it! And haven't I told you to call me Siland?" the Masterharper replied.

"I believe you have," L'ral acknowledged, nodding, "But only if you call me L'ral."

"Done! Now what can the Harper Hall do for you, L'ral?" he asked, offering not only his own services but also those of his entire hall.

"I think it is something easier said than done," the Weyrleader began, glancing around at the crowd of observers. "Might we continue this discussion elsewhere?"

"Certainly," Siland consented, and then turned to Callihara and Bernan. "Calli, Bernan, don't you two have somewhere to be now?" He glanced at the position of the sun in the sky.

"Actually, this concerns them more than anyone else," L'ral said. Raising his eyebrows slightly, Siland nodded quickly, and began to lead the group to his study, stopping several dragon lengths away to gesture for the dispersion of the onlookers.

While briskly climbing the steps to the study, Siland wondered what the two apprentices had done to warrant the visit of Fort's Weyrleader. He couldn't help but worry, first over what major infraction they must have made, and then a fleeting concern that L'ral would want to take two of his most talented apprentices from him, for what purpose he did not know.

Bernan's heart was in his throat, he didn't know what to think, what to believe. He was only conscious of Callihara gripping his hand so tightly that it throbbed with pain. He heard her ragged, quickened breathing, and he didn't know what to make of it. He was apprehensive of what the Weyrleader proposed, they were both so happy at the Hall, almost perfectly happy, and the thought of changing that scared him. Seeing her react so strongly to the thought of accompanying the Weyrleader also surprised him. Looking over at her flushed cheeks and bright eyes, he told himself that he only wanted her to be happy, at whatever cost.

Calli was in a daze, not realizing what was happening to her, going through the motions, but not feeling anything. Her mind was floating, in the marvelous dream of Impressing a dragon, the dream that had been present in the back of her mind since her fall from the tower and her brief, intimate contact with bronze Perlath. Oh, she wanted nothing more than this! And she could still be with Bernan, things couldn't be any more perfect! She didn't think about leaving the Hall and her dream of becoming a harper, suddenly realizing that her deepest and most passionate desire was to go to the Weyr and be with the dragon. Calli's next conscious realization as she allowed her dreamy reverie to become more elaborate was that Bernan was guiding her into a chair, his warm hand a gentle pressure on her back, bringing her back to the present.

She could see that L'ral was explaining the situation to Siland, who first frowned deeply, then turned to see the look on Callihara's face. His eyes softened and his face relaxed at seeing the look of pure ecstasy in her eyes, and he turned to L'ral and forced a smile.

"Nothing would make the Harper Hall prouder than to see two of our best apprentices Impress."

"Excellent! We are eternally in your debt, Siland!" L'ral jumped to his feet and shook the Harper's hand to seal the deal. He sank back into his chair slowly, looking at the two apprentices. "Now, Callihara, Bernan, it's up to you to decide what you wish to do." Calli opened her mouth to speak, and her reply was quite obvious, but Bernan silenced her.

"May we have a moment to talk this over, Weyrleader?" He asked warily..

"Certainly," L'ral replied, though concern showed in his face.

Bernan took Callihara's arm again and led her out into the hallway, where he stood looking at her, his hands on her shoulders.

"Oh Bernan, this is so beautiful, it's wonderful! Us Impressing dragons, really! Can you believe this, it's too amazing to believe! I've wanted this so badly, but you'd never really think that they would come here to Search us, at the Harper Hall-" he cut her off, placing his finger on her lips.

"Calli-" he stopped, swallowed, and started again. "I can see how much you want this. And all I want is for you to be happy. But do you want to give up everything here at the Hall, to go to the Weyr? Everything will change…"

"No, Bernan, no," she said, suddenly crestfallen. "Nothing will change, not really. We'll still be together, that's all that matters, right?" She moved closer to him, putting her arms around his neck, her face almost touching his, her voice softer. "Can you imagine it, on top of a dragon, flying high in the sky, flaming Thread, going anywhere on Pern in a breath? A dragonrider?"

He looked a little more hopeful at that, and she loved him so much, for wanting to do this for her. She had no idea how beautiful she looked to him at that moment, her gray eyes sparkling, her eyebrows raised in hope. Suddenly, fiercely, she kissed him, catching him off guard. She kissed with all the hope, desire, excitement, and fear that had built up in her, and he kissed her back, loving her despite what she asked of him, and still, some inexplicable feeling of despair built up in his chest, making each kiss painful, making each moment she was in his arms precious to him. Suddenly, she broke away from him, uncontainable sorrow in her eyes.

"Saneria; Bernan, how can we leave her? Oh, what was I thinking, how can we leave her? She needs us so much, and I don't even know why!" She began to sob as if her heart would break, each sob reverberating through her thin frame. She clung desperately to his jacket, burying her face in his soft shoulder, and no amount of whispered words could calm her.

Inside the room, L'ral and Siland heard Callihara's fervent tears and sobs of despair, and first Siland got to his feet, and then sat down again.

"What is it?" L'ral asked. "I was so sure she wanted to come with her whole heart, and we need her so badly…."

"I know, I have never seen her so set on anything in her life. There was always something about her, L'ral, I feel as if she is meant to do this. I had no idea about Bernan though. But I'm no dragonman!" Siland laughed easily, and L'ral felt another stab of guilt. Then, Rolth was with him consciously, touching his mind with his own.

_Callihara weeps, L'ral. She is very sad_, he said, surprising his rider at the way he used the girl's name, reaffirming L'ral's thought that there was some hidden strength in the harper girl. _She is so sad, there is another girl here who she feels needs her, and she doesn't want to leave her behind to come and Impress at the Weyr._ Rolth paused, his voice questioning. _Why are we taking the boy with us? He is not a dragonrider._

L'ral mentally hushed his dragon. _I know, but we need Callihara to come, and she will not leave without him. He might Impress yet, I hope so, for her sake. Now, Rolth, my dear, could you speak to her, and convince her that we need her to come, that the little queen needs her?_

_Yes, but I will only tell the truth to her._

_I wouldn't ask you to lie. I am an honest man!_ He shot back, trying to defend himself.

_You are. For the most part. _

In the corridor, nothing that Bernan said, no gentle touches or fervent pleading could stop her tears. She tried to speak between her sobs, clutching at his tunic and looking up at him, but the tears would not stop flowing, and in grief and despair, she pressed her head against his chest, closing her eyes against everything. In the moment where it seemed like all hope was gone, he came into her thoughts his voice reverberating in her mind in a way that cannot be explained, like cool water upon a fevered brow.

_Do not weep, Callihara, do not weep. _

The sob caught in her throat, and she almost thought that she had imagined the voice, before she realized instantly that it was L'ral's dragon. She stopped her tears, but kept her head buried in Bernan's tunic. _Why? This beautiful dream has been presented to me, and then torn away! I cannot do anything but cry, and even that doesn't make the pain stop. _

_Nothing has ever come of crying._

She listened to the wisdom in his simple words, and a small sigh passed through her lips. _I know. But what can I do?_

_You cannot solve the problems of the world. You are just one girl. But one of the problems faced by the Weyr is a desperate one. The little queen needs you, she cannot be born into a world with no one waiting for her. _

_What do you mean? There are usually dozens of girls on Search._

_This is different. The riders do not understand it. But, dragonkind is not always as predictable as they would like us to be. _

_Clearly_, she thought, thinking of the bronze rider's surprise when Perlath spoke to her after saving her life.

_The Hatching is imminent but the choice is still yours. Follow what is in your heart. _

She felt him leave her thoughts, as swiftly and silently as he had crept in. But his presence had been like a hand on her brow, soothing and cooling, and enough to end her sobs. She was suddenly aware of Bernan's lips against her hair and the fervent, soft words he whispered into her ear. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and pressed her cheek against his tunic for a moment, before looking up at him.

"We have to go. They need us, Bern." Her tear-filled eyes were suddenly serious, and her mouth set in a determined line.

Bernan brought up his hand to smooth down her hair. "I know, Cal, I know. We'll go."

And so it was settled. They would leave the Harper Hall, the place they had grown to know and love, and where they were loved by the people they would leave behind.

* * *

Although L'ral had told Callihara and Bernan that their presence was required at the Weyr as quickly as possible, Calli's silent pleading and the intervention of Rolth convinced the Weyrleader to allow them to spend one more night at the Hall, and depart for the Weyr in the morning.

Supper that evening was an unusually somber occasion. Though the other apprentices and journeymen congratulated their two Searched friends, there was a sadness in their eyes at the thought of the Hall without Callihara and Bernan, and the forgotten promise of futures as Harpers that lingered behind the celebration, making Calli suddenly catch her breath as she opened her mouth to speak. Yet, the one person who seemed the happiest to see them leave was Saneria, who Callihara had passionately wept for, and almost given up the near promise of a dragon. She laughed and joked about Weyrlife with her two closest friends, brushing off the fact that they were abandoning the journey that they had started together, and leaving so much unfinished. Nordam was uncharacteristically serious, and he kept looking at Saneria with deep concern in his dark, reflective eyes. Callihara noticed it, and was troubled, but unable to see why her dear friend was behaving in the way that she did. Bernan gripped her hand tighter, as if sensing her need for comfort at that moment. She smiled at him, apparently confident, but only he could read the fear in her eyes.

Later that night, after packing their things, the couple sat in their place on the roof of the Hall. Even after their experience with the Durnam tower, they still came there to be together. They sat in silence, Callihara's hand in Bernan's, his other hand resting reassuringly on her back, her head on his shoulder.

Suddenly, she lifted her head and looked at him very seriously. "Bern. I never even asked if you wanted to do this. I've been so selfish today," she said, and her lip quivered again, tears welling in her eyes.

"No, sweetheart, no," he said, wiping away the softly falling tears with his thumb. He kissed her forehead, and then folded her in his arms tightly. "I want this. I do. What boy didn't dream of becoming a dragonrider? Calli, anything for you, I mean it. The only thing that matters is that you're happy." She looked at him for a moment.

"I want you to be happy too, Bern."

"I am happy, Cal. I can't be unhappy when I'm with you."

She rested her head on his shoulder again, and closed her eyes before adding, "Love you, Bern."

"I know.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It's been forever, I know, I'm sorry! Please review and I'll try to continue. Thanks!**

_Chapter 4_

_Fort Weyr_

If the story of Callihara and Bernan had not already grown to epic proportions, their departure from the Harper Hall on the back of the Fort Weyrleader's majestic bronze dragon was enough to ensure their place in the history of Pernese ballads. The departure was bittersweet, as the two newly Searched candidates left their studies behind and parted from the people they had grown close to. 

Although Calli and Bernan had said farewell to Saneria in private, even that meeting was as impersonal as ever. Despite the fact that San hugged them and cried with them, she seemed distant, as if Calli was shouting to her friend from across a canyon. The occasional flicker of unguarded emotion in her eyes could not be completely suppressed, but not a betraying word would pass her lips. Calli finally had to kiss Saneria's cheek, her hand resting on her friend's shoulder as she looked into her eyes, telling her that no matter what, she would always be there for her. 

Parting with the journeyman who had become a mentor and close friend had been harder than the two had expected. Nordam was solemn, thumping Bernan on the back, then placing his hands on his shoulders and speaking to him so softly that Callihara could not hear what he said. He hugged the girl tightly after that, then whispered to her, his mouth brushing against her ear. Tears in her eyes, she kissed him on the cheek, and returned to the safety of Bernan's waiting arms. 

However, as they approached the bronze dragon, and L'ral prepared to help them up, suddenly Callihara was unafraid. The dragons had chosen her out of all the girls on Pern. She was worthy of this journey, and it was her destiny. She was not afraid of the challenges that the Weyr would present to her. She would take it all in stride, and conquer every difficulty with grace and poise. She lifted her head just a little higher, grinned at the Weyrleader, and took her seat on Rolth's back. 

Bernan was having a very different experience than Callihara. His heart pounded and his palms began to sweat with sudden anxiety about leaving his home and climbing on the back of the massive beast. He visibly swallowed, and complied with the Weyrleader's instructions, but he was not happy about it. While Calli seemed content to be perched on the back of the gigantic dragon, Bernan felt like a fish out of water, desperately and impossibly gasping for air. Closing his eyes, and feeling waves of nausea overcome him, Bernan groaned and wondered what he was getting himself into. The only light in his darkness was Callihara's excited chattering, and the warmth of her body against his. With a sickening lurch, the dragon leapt into the air, and became airborne.

From the back of the dragon, Calli watched the Harper Hall grow smaller in the distance, until she could no longer pick out her friends from the crowd of observers, until the Hall itself looked like a child's toy. She felt excitement swell within her chest as she saw how beautiful Pern looked from the air, with the rolling landscape, mountains, and clear blue sky. This is my home, she thought, suddenly filled with a sense of purpose and pride for who she was. L'ral turned around and shouted something at them, and then Calli remembered that Rolth would soon be taking them _between_ to Fort Weyr. She squeezed Bernan's hand, took a deep breath, and they were gone.

As Calli was thrust into the deep, agonizing nothingness of _between_ the urge to panic was as strong as L'ral had described it. She tried to count to three as he had instructed, and it seemed like every instant was never-ending. Just as she almost gave in to despair, color and light erupted into her world as Rolth burst out of between into fresh, breathable air. Again, L'ral turned to look at the two young people who sat behind them, seeing that both had made it through as well as could be expected. Calli felt Bernan's vice-like grip around her waist, and turned to see how pale and frightened he looked. She smiled weakly, significantly shaken by the trip as well. He managed a forced grin, and patted her arm to let her know that he was okay. Then they turned and looked at Fort Weyr, which lay below them.

If Harper Hall was a pebble, then Fort Weyr was the biggest boulder the apprentices had ever seen. The Weyr was built within a system of caves inlaid directly into a mountain. Rolth swooped past it, and Calli craned her neck to look at it more closely. Bernan gulped as the dragon swerved, and he heard Callihara gasp in awe, while he muttered under his breath, closing his eyes again, resting his forehead against Callihara's shoulder. 

_That's enough now, Rolth_, L'ral half-scolded his dragon. 

_Callihara enjoys this_, Rolth's mind voice informed him happily. Then L'ral felt as slightly discontented tinge as the dragon commented, _The boy does not._

L'ral frowned to himself, and instructed Rolth to land in the main Bowl. The dragon's sudden descent thrilled Callihara to no end, L'ral observed, hearing her excitedly chatter to her companion, who had turned a distinct shade of pale green. L'ral looked over his shoulder at them, and he caught Callihara's eye. "Remember to hold on tight," he cautioned them, and Callihara complied, tightening her grip, and urging Bernan to do the same. Rolth landed in the main Bowl as gently as he could, knowing instinctively that gentleness was what the ex-apprentices needed. After landing, the three sat unmoving on Rolth's back. L'ral contemplated what would occur once Callihara and Bernan set foot in the Weyr, and wondered how his boldness, and the Weyr's desperation, would impact their lives. As for Callihara, a thousand thoughts flew through her mind, and she didn't know what to make of them, and at that moment she could only be conscious of the rapid pounding of her heart. Bernan found himself unable to swallow, his breath quickening against his will, and he searched, unsuccessfully for a moment, for Callihara's hand and for the comfort that he knew she always brought him.

L'ral dismounted first, and extended his hand to Callihara, who slid off of Rolth and stood a little shakily on the ground. She looked back at Bernan, and watched as he brushed off the hand that L'ral offered and made it to the ground without any assistance. Turning away from him, Calli tried to take in the Weyr. She had always imagined that she would visit Fort Weyr for the first time as a Journeyman or a Harper, playing and singing for some great event. She had certainly never thought that her arrival here would also mark the death of her old life, and the beginning of a new one, as a candidate for the Hatching. Rolth had landed in the middle of the Bowl, and she turned around for a few times, recalling what the Weyr had looked like from the air, and smiling as she realized that she was now standing in the midst of it. Dragons sat on the ledges, and as she looked up at the sides of the Weyr, she noticed that the walls were hollowed out all around. She supposed that those were the weyrs that the dragons and their riders inhabited. 

"Callihara." She snapped to attention at the sound of the Weyrleader's voice. He laughed lightly. "It's quite impressive, isn't it? You'll have a chance to stand and stare for as long as you like later. For now, you need to meet the Weyrwoman and we can see what we can do about instructing you for the Hatching. It's not all fun and games, you know."

"Oh, I know, sir," she said, nodding affirmatively. Suddenly, she turned around again, relaxing a little when she saw Bernan. "I thought I'd lost you."

"You were justifiably enthralled, that's all," he said, touching her arm, smiling with his mouth closed. She nodded, and they picked up their packs and followed L'ral, wind striking their backs as Rolth took flight again. 

* * *

"L'ral? Is that you?" The Weyrwoman's voice rang sharply throughout the chamber, before either L'ral or the ex-apprentices were able to catch sight of her.

"Indeed it is!" the Weyrleader replied, his tone light. He winked at Callihara, and she realized that he was most likely an expert at dealing with a Weyrwoman stressed with the imminent Hatching of a clutch of eggs. 

"Oh, good. Oryoth said that you'd come," the woman said, coming around the corner with her arms full of white garments. "Oh, excuse me," she said when she noticed Callihara and Bernan. "I didn't realize you were accompanied, Weyrleader." Her tone contained a hint of annoyance, but she smiled, and L'ral opened his arms to take the garments from her. 

"Tiania, may I introduce you to Callihara and Bernan, formerly of the Harper Hall, current candidates for the Hatching," L'ral said, gesturing, despite his full hands, to the two young people.

"I'm very pleased to meet you," Tiania told them, clasping their hands in greeting. "There is much that has to be done before the Hatching, as can be expected. I'll have beds prepared for you in the dormitories but I must also meet with you immediately to prepare you for the Hatching. We're quite pressed for time, I'm afraid," she explained, but her anxiety and weariness could not completely shadow the earnest friendliness that she greeted them with. The two new candidates merely nodded. "L'ral, take this young man to join the other male candidates," she said, giving Bernan's shoulder a gentle shove towards the Weyrleader. "You may come with me," she said to Callihara before walking quickly towards the door of the chamber and down the corridor. Calli started to follow the Weyrwoman and then remembered Bernan. She turned towards him and saw the bewildered look on his face. She smiled reassuringly but he raised his eyebrows in seeming apprehension. She stepped towards him and touched his face with the tips of her fingers. 

"Chin up. I'll see you soon." She smiled at him winningly before she was whisked down the corridor and out of sight. Even after she disappeared, Bernan stared at the place where she had been. L'ral was silent for a moment, and then put his hand on the boy's shoulder. 

"Women," he said, rolling his eyes, watching Bernan's lips form into a small smile. "Come on. I'll give you a crash course in dragons before you go to meet the other candidates." Bernan nodded, thankful beyond belief for the Weyrleader who undoubtedly had much more important things to do than deal with the anxieties of a young man who was completely and totally out of his element.

* * *

"So, Callihara, is it?" Tiania began as Callihara helped her fold the white candidate robes and place one on each of the bunks in the dormitory. The girl nodded and the Weyrwoman continued. "Have you had much contact with dragons?"

"No, Weyrwoman. Just with the bronze dragon who saved my life, Perlath was his name, and with the Weyrleader's Rolth, of course." Callihara kept her eyes down, speaking to the Weyrwoman humbly, as was custom.

"Very interesting. Did Perlath speak to you at all?"

"Only a little. He knew how startled and frightened I was, I think."

"I can imagine," Tiania said, sympathy in her voice. "Does it seem strange to you that you would make that sort of a choice? I can't imagine how you were able to think so rationally, so quickly."

Callihara was taken aback by the Weyrwoman's compliment. "I honestly don't know," she admitted. "It was the only thing there was to do. It was the only option I had, really. Why would I hang on if it meant Bernan's death as well as mine?"

The Weyrwoman was silent for a moment, apparently thinking the event over. "And you and this boy, Bernan, you were lovers then?" 

Callihara's pale skin quickly turned pink. "We weren't, not then. We played in the same trio and were good friends. After the fall we began a sort of a courtship, I would call it." Callihara didn't know how to describe their chaste relationship without sounding childlike. She knew of the sexual aspect of Weyrlife, but had never really thought of it as a problem, or even anything that concerned her. 

"I'll be honest with you, Callihara," Tiania said. "You seem to be very willing to leave everything of your old life behind at the prospect of impressing, which I find to be extraordinary, as I have heard that you are a talented and promising musician." Tiania met Callihara's wide eyes with her own. "The Weyr is much different from Harper Hall. Oh, the people are much the same, you have those with their own agendas and those who will do anything to help you, your friends and your foes, so to speak. But this courtship that you speak of, this is not how it is at the Weyr. We love, as the rest of Pern does, but for queenriders, the passion and mating of your dragon affects dictates your own. If you are to impress, you must be prepared for this." The Weyrwoman paused, studying Callihara's face. Her expression was impassive, but her eyes had widened, just slightly. "Do you understand?"

She was silent for a moment, and then nodded vigorously. "I do."

"Good," the Weyrwoman replied, "Because if you hadn't, I'd really be in a bind." She smiled and Callihara did as well, and Tiania began to instruct Callihara as succinctly as she could about everything she would need to know before the Impression began. Calli listened as attentively as she could, but for the first time, her hopeful dream of impressing the queen dragon was shadowed with doubt.


End file.
